All the arguing, fighting, blaming, guilting, relapsing, death…it’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it. It’s on our televisions, smart phones, social media alerts, a part of conversations with friends and colleagues, small talk to open Zoom meetings/Google Hangouts/Microsoft Teams meetings and invading everyday parts of our lives which used to take place over dinners, social gatherings and other physical contact that is so limited today.

But with the current state of affairs limiting our physical engagement with others, being imprisoned to a more virtual setting, isolation and disconnect is far greater than ever before. And for me, that has led to a mighty struggle. A struggle to continually give a shit.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, or more accurately the public acknowledgement of the crisis and subsequent quarantine, I have seen far too many of my friends and acquaintances relapse and/or die from addiction. Add on top of that the countless others who have had health crises, job displacement, emotional trauma, and difficulties with the isolation and lack of human contact.

And here’s where I sound like a heartless bitch.

I’m just exhausted.

I listen. I care. I give of my time and help in most every way I can.

But I’m spent.

A friend yesterday shared in a meeting about “Compassion Fatigue” and boy did it resonate with me. So I did some research.

Yep, spot on.

The good news: there is a solution. So rather than wallow in the problem and let my legs go numb sitting on that virtual pity pot, I think I’ll do something about it.

I shared last week about needing to do some Self Care and sure enough, that’s one way to resolve the problem. Another? Build a protective layer around your own heart when helping others. So basically, give a shit, but not to the point where it will affect you personally. A form of detach with love? I’m open to comment on that. And third, make sure you have a strong community of support.

So just for today, I will CTFO (for those of you who know me J…those of you who don’t, it stands for Chill The F*** Out), reach out to my brothers/sisters in sobriety for some care and mutual nurturing, and make sure that I land gently in the arms of my spouse, allowing him into the inner workings of that protective layer to strengthen one of the best parts of me…my heart.

Not sure about all of you, but I find myself getting whiplash between wanting to lock myself in my house until the insanity of this virus, social unrest, political insanity, Karen uproar just passes by and figuring out how to live IN this world in a responsible way: eating outside in a restaurant, social distancing on a beach, and continuing to do my fiduciary responsibility to my company by driving top line revenue to secure a financial health for our employees.
 
There are no easy answers.
 
I find myself sharing with others that the healthiest decision is one that is Just for Today.  If it feels right to pass on a birthday party because you are unsure, then do that.  But it doesn’t mean you can’t say ‘yes’ to another event next week. 
 
You have the right to make another decision another day.
 
That’s the beauty of being human…we’ve been given free will.  And the right to exercise that free will means we can make one decision today, and with new information, make a new decision tomorrow.  I think I am challenged with this concept because there is so much vile discourse being spewed on the TV, online, and every aspect of our daily lives if you change your mind, being labeled a ‘waffler’, ‘flip flopper’, or some other derogatory misnomer.
 
Why do we allow such polarity and division deny us a chance to evolve and mature in our beliefs?  Doesn’t that just lock us in to the taboos, mores, and perspectives handed down by our parents, families of origin, and upbringing. Hasn’t that proved to be an unparalleled disaster throughout the 20th century?  (If you doubt me, let me remind you that at the beginning of that century women didn’t have the right to vote, Jim Crow laws were everywhere, there were no such thing as Gay Rights….well, you get the picture).
 
Perhaps we need to start with ourselves and our own actions and attitudes?  
 
Is it possible we need to give one another just a bit of space during this time?  
 
I certainly don’t want to wade into the murky waters of wearing a mask (there’s enough scientific evidence on that—both sides—to make your argument), but isn’t it a bit overboard when I see a woman approach a couple eating lunch in a park and using pepper spray on them?  If you see that from a distance…my goodness…take a different route!!!
 
Pause…make a different choice…
 
Yep, this may have some of you pretty fired up at this point of reading…well…good!!  I encourage you to check where that passion is coming from, and ask yourself: where are you trying to put your own beliefs onto others and at the same time denying them the right to believe what they choose?
 
Again, no easy answers here, but at least at this moment, I find myself wanting to go a bit internal and ask myself where I am being a little less tolerant than I ought to be; where I could be checking myself a bit more; where I need to be a better expression of God/love in this world…because we could certainly use it no more than ever.