I Prefer the Rollercoaster
“A body in motion tends to stay in motion unless acted on by an outside force.”
— Isaac Newton
I find it easy to spot in others when they aren’t taking care of themselves, when they need to slow down, rest, allow their body, mind and Spirit to heal. But to give myself that same courtesy seems to be the greatest monumental task that I continue to battle with in my life.
Why is that? Why is it so difficult to take just a breath, cut myself some slack, and allow the time for rest and rejuvenation necessary to present my best self to the world?
I have a few theories: perceived pressures of society always demanding more from me, seeing so much that needs to be done around me in the world where people suffer (needlessly) and wanting to help, knowing that I have the means to do more—so a quasi-success guilt, or on maybe an even more personal note, trying to make up for lost time for all those years spent selfishly steeped in addiction taking FROM the world without care for who or what was left in my wake.
It’s not like I don’t take the time for self-reflection in prayer and meditation, slowing down enough to see where there is a need to check myself and regroup. The truth of the matter is that I don’t prioritize my own personal well-being above what I perceive to be more important: rankings at work, accomplishment with volunteer work that shows how ‘good’ of a person I am, or wearing my busyness as a badge of honor.
Silly I know…like a childish game of ‘anything you can do I can do better’.
Yet I find myself in that same spot, time and again, like a carousel going round and round.
So as I prepare for vacation this time around, perhaps I can step off for just a moment, and allow myself a chance to breathe, not worry about all the details leading up to it, and just take a moment for the enjoyment. Because the utter exhaustion I felt yesterday, the first day of my vacation, my body, mind and Spirit, were literally in revolt, and all were trying to tell me something. And today, I’m grateful that at least I am well enough to listen.
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