I’m So Over It

All the arguing, fighting, blaming, guilting, relapsing, death…it’s enough to drive you crazy if you let it. It’s on our televisions, smart phones, social media alerts, a part of conversations with friends and colleagues, small talk to open Zoom meetings/Google Hangouts/Microsoft Teams meetings and invading everyday parts of our lives which used to take place over dinners, social gatherings and other physical contact that is so limited today.

But with the current state of affairs limiting our physical engagement with others, being imprisoned to a more virtual setting, isolation and disconnect is far greater than ever before. And for me, that has led to a mighty struggle. A struggle to continually give a shit.

Since the beginning of the pandemic, or more accurately the public acknowledgement of the crisis and subsequent quarantine, I have seen far too many of my friends and acquaintances relapse and/or die from addiction. Add on top of that the countless others who have had health crises, job displacement, emotional trauma, and difficulties with the isolation and lack of human contact.

And here’s where I sound like a heartless bitch.

I’m just exhausted.

I listen. I care. I give of my time and help in most every way I can.

But I’m spent.

A friend yesterday shared in a meeting about “Compassion Fatigue” and boy did it resonate with me. So I did some research.

Yep, spot on.

The good news: there is a solution. So rather than wallow in the problem and let my legs go numb sitting on that virtual pity pot, I think I’ll do something about it.

I shared last week about needing to do some Self Care and sure enough, that’s one way to resolve the problem. Another? Build a protective layer around your own heart when helping others. So basically, give a shit, but not to the point where it will affect you personally. A form of detach with love? I’m open to comment on that. And third, make sure you have a strong community of support.

So just for today, I will CTFO (for those of you who know me J…those of you who don’t, it stands for Chill The F*** Out), reach out to my brothers/sisters in sobriety for some care and mutual nurturing, and make sure that I land gently in the arms of my spouse, allowing him into the inner workings of that protective layer to strengthen one of the best parts of me…my heart.